Me again. Apparently have lots to say. Maybe the computer being down is a good thing. :o)
I've been thinking an awful lot about school. (For those of you who don't know, I'm a first grade teacher.) It's been a very challenging year. Actually, years. Last year was pretty tough too. Teaching has always been the one thing that I feel really confident about. But over the last two years, I've had some incredibly challenging children and I truthfully don't feel as if I've been meeting some of their needs. It's really making me wonder if I'm good at this at all. (For those of you who know me - don't defend me. It's okay. I've promised myself it will get better.)
One of the problems is, I've done everything I know how to do. I've used all my tricks. (And I've got quite a few. I've been doing this for a while.) My tricks aren't working. We are having major melt downs almost every day. It doesn't feel like I have time to actually teach anymore. I have to ask myself - what's going on. What am I doing (or not doing) that's perpetuating this problem.
Teaching has so exhausted me these past couple of years that I've thought about other possibilities. (For those of you who don't know me - teaching is my passion. It's everything I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember. Most of the times I LOVE what I do.) When B and I were in SF I was tossing around possible alternatives. I thought working at the front desk in the hotel would be a good option. I'm a people person. I can smile pretty, chit chat and do customer service. I'm pretty good at solving conflicts (most of the time). I think I could do that job very well. And not be quite so stressed.
Don't worry. I know that I would be happy only for a week or two. I'm so pathetically a teacher that I start itching to come back to school by the first week in August. Talking about teaching and my students is fun for me. I do it somewhat obsessively. I know when the kids come back on Monday we'll start again. We'll stick with some routines, and make some changes to help us grow. I know the children are learning and growing in a million different ways. (That's one of the gifts of teaching first grade. The leaps are huge and very visible. :o) I also know that I will learn from this. It will make me a better teacher. The experience I have with these babes will help me to better support those in the future.
I know it will be okay. I know I am good at this. But man is it hard...
8 comments:
Most people don't know how hard it is to be a teacher. We've been at school so what's the big deal.
I know it's a huge deal, and I know you are doing the best you can. And you know what? Your best is the best any kid could hope for because it's coming from the right place - a loving caring one.
Thnakls for taking care of your class, we will all be the beneficiaries of it.
Well, Mel will likely yell at me for writing this but:
She is by far, the best teacher at our school. (no offense to the other teachers reading.) We are lucky to work at a school where everyone is really trying their best to be a great teacher, but Mel takes it to a different level. She puts in way more time than I ever have or ever will.
In fact, right now, during our school vacation, where is she? Yes, schools.
Any kid in her class is so lucky to be there.
And yes, these past two years you have had extremely challenging groups. I have seen you cry over these kids. But that's my point. You care enough to cry over these kids.
Cut yourself some slack. And just think, when you move up to third grade next year, you get to have these same kids again!
Oh, the fun we'll have.
Maybe we should look into the hotel gig. Or the gig K in Texas is trying to get me to do :O)
Thank you.
I really do admire all teachers out there. I've got a few in my family and it really is a 24-7 job. You can't just turn off children and their awesome personalities at the end of the day.
And for those who have 'the knack' and passion for it, I can imagine how awesome it is when you see your students succeed. I still think of my fav teachers all the time and their wonderful influence on my life. They've definitely left that indescribable imprint on my heart.
Challenging students are good sometimes. It just means your best is still getting better! :-)
-RM
I really admire anyone who cares for babies/toddlers/kids as a full-time job. It is such a hard thing taking care of kids on a full-time basis. I don't know you Mel, but you sound like you've found your calling and those kiddos are lucky to have you, because you so obviously care about them. Hang in there - they need you.
I saw the ridiculous stack of work that you took home from school yesterday, after you had already been there on your week off. You are a person who gives 100% to what you are doing at the moment, whether it be a teacher, a mentor, a mom or a friend. I know it is hard to balance all of these challanges and responsibilities.
But I think you answered your own question through your writing. You will come back and do the best you can do. Some students will respond, and others will not. You will have some good days, and you will have some hard days. Maybe you will have more days that you will wonder "Am I effective?" or "Am I making a difference?"
As your school neighbor, I can tell you that what you have done with some of these kids is truly remarkable. They depend on you for stability, kindness and routine. You give them that and more. They are who they are, and a lot of that is out of your control. Know that you keep them safe and help them learn and grow. You are doing the best you can do, and that best is amazing.
It will never be easy, it's just the nature of the beast.
Well, at least we have velcro, ATM's, microwaves...
Thanks everybody. I appreciate the pep talks.
Al, I think we should switch roles. You should be my mentor. :o)
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