Back Online!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited! New computer is purchased, here and set up!!!!!!! Deep sigh of relief...

Now I can officially sign up for my new venture with B!!!!!!! I'm very much looking forward to it. It's a much needed distraction from school. My dad asked why I wouldn't tutor to earn extra money. Truthfully, I don't want to. I need a break. I need another focus, and I think B and I will have a blast doing it together! :o)

In many ways it bothers me that I don't want to tutor. I think of myself as a teacher at heart so not wanting to teach makes me sad. But the other part of me (the new me :o) is working hard to accept that it doesn't have to be all of nothing. I can be a teacher, and a good one, but not have it be all consuming.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On another note, I'm very proud of myself tonight. Flylady's baby steps really work for me. I have an inbox with more than 100 e-mails. Normally that would freak me out completely. Not now. Tonight I finished all e-mails dated February 22. Then I stopped. If I feel like going back on later, I'll read more. If not, there's always tomorrow! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!

(I know this realization is not rocket science for everyone, but for me - a big deal. :o)

Thanks for listening. Mel

Me again. Apparently have lots to say. Maybe the computer being down is a good thing. :o)

I've been thinking an awful lot about school. (For those of you who don't know, I'm a first grade teacher.) It's been a very challenging year. Actually, years. Last year was pretty tough too. Teaching has always been the one thing that I feel really confident about. But over the last two years, I've had some incredibly challenging children and I truthfully don't feel as if I've been meeting some of their needs. It's really making me wonder if I'm good at this at all. (For those of you who know me - don't defend me. It's okay. I've promised myself it will get better.)

One of the problems is, I've done everything I know how to do. I've used all my tricks. (And I've got quite a few. I've been doing this for a while.) My tricks aren't working. We are having major melt downs almost every day. It doesn't feel like I have time to actually teach anymore. I have to ask myself - what's going on. What am I doing (or not doing) that's perpetuating this problem.

Teaching has so exhausted me these past couple of years that I've thought about other possibilities. (For those of you who don't know me - teaching is my passion. It's everything I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember. Most of the times I LOVE what I do.) When B and I were in SF I was tossing around possible alternatives. I thought working at the front desk in the hotel would be a good option. I'm a people person. I can smile pretty, chit chat and do customer service. I'm pretty good at solving conflicts (most of the time). I think I could do that job very well. And not be quite so stressed.

Don't worry. I know that I would be happy only for a week or two. I'm so pathetically a teacher that I start itching to come back to school by the first week in August. Talking about teaching and my students is fun for me. I do it somewhat obsessively. I know when the kids come back on Monday we'll start again. We'll stick with some routines, and make some changes to help us grow. I know the children are learning and growing in a million different ways. (That's one of the gifts of teaching first grade. The leaps are huge and very visible. :o) I also know that I will learn from this. It will make me a better teacher. The experience I have with these babes will help me to better support those in the future.

I know it will be okay. I know I am good at this. But man is it hard...

Life without...

I'm here at school. Supposed to be getting lots of work done. You know - catch up, get reorganized. I've been here for an hour. Here I sit at the computer. Doing what you might ask? Reading blogs. (B, I think you're right. It is a sickness. :o) My computer has left me. So here I am online when I should be working. Who knew I would miss my computer so much!

Over the last two nights I have tried to go online no less than 20 times. (Not just for blogs :o) Everytime I thought about something I thought - Oh, I'll go check online. But I CAN't!!!!!!! What did we do before the internet??????

Truthfully, there are a lot of things I can't imagine living without. Things that in the scheme of things haven't been around all that long.

Do you remember life without ATMs???? I enter a bank maybe once or twice a year.

Remote controls? Couldn't find mine yesterday while the girls were napping (later found it on the kitchen counter of all places). I was miserable. I actually had to stand up to adjust the volume, and go through a million channels to find Judging Amy on TNT. :o(

Microwaves?

Velcro?

Cordless phones?

VCRs?

These are all things that have come into existence (or at least popularity) when I was old enough to notice. Call me spoiled, but I can't imagine how people lived!!!!! :o)

Do I have a blog?

It's feels like a million years since I've posted. I've been caving to my latest obsessions - excercising and cleaning. (Don't laugh, I know, I've lost it.) This fly lady business has got me a bit caught up. I've even found savingdinner.com. It sends shopping lists and recipes for 6 nights at a shot. I actually liked the recipes that they sent! (I'm a very picky eater, so this is a rare occurence.)

The good news is I'm sticking with the excercise (and actually reading something for a change) and my house is getting clean (somewhat) and decluttered (also somewhat).

I've also been slightly obsesed with the Olympics. I love watching them. Don't care what the sport is. Just like to watch and hear everyone's stories. And, being the sappy fool that I am, I have to cry during the medal ceremonies.

I wonder how long

these

obsessions will last?????????????

excercise

Just got off the bike. Thank you to B for getting me motivated. I've actually climbed on 4 times in the past week! :o) (It's been collecting clothes and dust for a while...)

Part of my problem is I need someone to be working out with me. I think it's a competition thing. (I'm not in competition with B, but it helps to know someone else is doing it too.) I think the Olympics is helping too. Those athletes work their butts off. I can at least do 30 minutes. :o)

The best part about working out for me is the reading. I don't generally watch tv while I'm pedaling, I usually read. Reading is one of my favorite things in the world, and since my darling girls were born, I don't do much of it. (Who has the time?) Now I get 30 minutes of reading a night! Yeah!

Speaking of time, I've joined a new group that's supposed to save me some (or at least help me structure mine). It's called flylady.net. Although it drives hubby crazy for the million e-mails I get. It's cool. It helps build routines (which I desperately need) and promotes baby steps for getting everything done. I definitely want to get everything done, and baby steps feel manageable. So I'll stick with this for now, million e-mails and all. Let you know how it goes!

friendship

As many of you know, Tuesday is B's birthday. I was thinking about that this afternoon, and as I did, I couldn't help but be grateful for her presence in my life, and therefore the day of her birth.

She is there for me in a million ways. Just to name a few:

*surprising me with tickets to see Billy Joel for my birthday (which isn't until April.:o)
*making me laugh many times daily
*motivating me to get on the bike today
*she's helped me accept the condition of my apartment - and it's really okay
*being on the other end of the phone when I have to complain (or brag :o) about my kids
*listening to stories of weird dreams (that I don't really want to know the meaning of:o)
*she was my first friend at Eliot
*being in her classroom to hear my latest saga with administration, parents or students
*being a shoulder to cry on due to saga with administration, parents or students, or anything else that's going on (I cry a lot :O)
*I can complain to her about hubby, and I know she won't judge him
*I've told her things I've never told anyone else
*fellow walker on weekends and after school
*playdate for those long afternoons or mornings
*constantly putting things in perspective for me


Most importantly,
*B is one of two people in this world who make it (more) okay for me not to be perfect (those of you who know me, know what a challenge this is for me) - and she reminds me of this every day and without saying a word...

help for my mom

Hello all, My mom went back to school. She's in an undergrad program majoring in Communications. She's writing a paper for a class. If you're a woman and don't mind responding for a moment, she has some questions:

Instead of choosing a topic, I'm writing about if and what women's issues
are based on women's ages, marital status, ect.



Could you answer the following questions and write one or two sentences on
what, if any, do you consider an issue for you. For example, self image as
imposed by the media, the wage differential between men and women, household
demands....or none.



I'm trying to include different ages. Another example is I interviewed a 27
year old and she felt she didn't have any issues. In her occupation she gets
paid the same as a male does, her and her brother were brought up with the
same standards ect. She did mentioned she contributed her lack of issues to
all the women who had fought for her rights previously.

I know my mom will appreciate your help. I'll forward your responses. :o)

80s

Thought some of you might like this -

It has all kinds of old 80s video games. Pacman, DigDug, Donkey Kong, Frogger, you name it.

Ronnie's been playing Tetris non-stop!!!!!! :o)

http://www.tripletsandus.com/80s/80s_games/arcade.htm

Sorry there's not an actual link. I tried to link something three times - three times - no luck!

American Idol

Any fans out there? I'm not a big reality show fan (sorry B), but if I bump into American Idol when the auditions are on I'll stop and watch them. Tonight they're from Boston.

I'm a performer - a singer (not an amazing one, but I can sing pretty well). And quite honestly it's painful, and also funny to watch these people try to sing. I'm convinced that some of them are just being as ridiculous as possible in order to get on t.v. (Or at least I hope that's what they're doing...) But there are others that really think they can sing. But they're really, really bad.

I'm usually laughing when these people perform, but I'm also cringing. I'm embarassed for them.

Why are we so fascinated with such shows?

control

Been thinking about one of Slacker Mom's posts since I read it. Guess that mean's I need to add another post.

She wrote:

when you think you've got it all together, something shoots right in there to show how you don't have any control. And it's not all your doing when things are going great either.

I am a person who is constantly looking for control. I'm not trying to control other people, just always trying to control what is happening to me... If I just say the right thing, do the right thing, stay organized enough, (my list could go on and on...) then everything will be okay. Won't it? :o)

It actually reminds me of my girls. B was an angel baby. Slept all the time. Smiled the rest of the time. (At least in my memory. :o) I had read (and reread) The Baby Whisperer several times. Worked very hard to follow her guidelines - help B build independence, go to bed on her own, etc... etc... Thought her good habits had so much to do with all our hard work. Then came H. Tried to do the same things with her - build independence, go to bed on her own, etc... H had other things in mind. I found out I wasn't such hot stuff with B, a lot of it was luck. My control over parenting diminished a bit. (I'm still trying though. :o)

another music post

Just watching the half-time show, featuring The Rolling Stones. I've always enjoyed their music - it's a lot of fun. Been to a concert once, but I wouldn't call myself a diehard fan.

As I watched, I couldn't help but wonder where he gets all that energy... He's in his 60s right? I consider myself a fairly high energy person, and I was exhausted just watching him.

But then I also noticed - his movements were a little odd - legs not bending quite normally. He wasn't pronouncing his words the way I'm used to. He sounded like his voice changed with a weird accent. I heard "I twied..." quite a bit.

This all led me to the question (and I certainly don't know the answer...) Why are they still up there? Are they trying to make a point? Is it the attention? the fans? the money? (They must have enough of that...) Do they love it? Do they look forward to the shows they do?

I guess if people are still listening, they'll still play. Somebody invited them to play at the Super Bowl. People are still screaming, yelling and bouncing up and down as they play. I wonder when they'll call it quits.

I wonder if my girls (as teenagers) will ask, "Who are The Rolling Stones"?

The Power of Music

The power of music never ceases to amaze me... to elicit memories, affect mood, create emotions... It's amazing.

I was driving home tonight and Sister Christian came on the radio. Instant smile on my face, radio got turned up, I started giggling, I even rolled my window down. (Yes, I know it's January.:o)

This used to happen to me all the time when I played in the band. It would be one of those nights when I just didn't feel like performing, we were all just going through the motions. Then a song like "Louie, Louie" would come on and suddenly I can't stop moving to the music and I'm entirely engaged with the audience. The first three notes can get me started.

The song "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" (don't know if that's the actual title, but I'm sure you know what I mean) brings me back to age 13. I'm literally pulled back in time to the dance I went to at the campground. There was this adorable blonde boy (named Paul) that I had a terrible crush on. I was so excited to be there with him. :o)

I've recently realized (I'm a little slow) that music is a huge stress reliever for me. I can't just be listening to it though. When I'm really stressed out or tired, I just turn the music up, and sing at the top of my lungs. Within minutes, I am energized and calmer. What a gift! :o)

The power of music never ceases to amaze me...