Nine years ago in September

Nine years ago this September, I began working as a classroom teacher for the first time. (I taught drama before that.) It was third grade. I'm returning to third grade this coming September, so I pulled out my plan book from that first year. I was struck by a couple of things.

First of all, I can picture each one of those kids. I kept coming across their names in my notes and immediately their image would be there, as if I saw them just yesterday. As a teacher, I love all of my students. I work hard with every one of them. But there's nothing like my first class.

Secondly, I realized they are seniors this year. They will actually be graduating high school. I'm trying to picture them "all grown up". I like the third grade images better. :o) "All grown up" makes me a little sad. Anyway, I'm determined to attend their graduation ceremony. I don't know if I'll see any of the kids there, but I'd really like to go see it. My first class...

I was blown away by the difference in my teaching. I know soooooooooooooo much more now. (Thank God!) Although I enjoyed looking through my old plans, they weren't very helpful. I wonder if I'll feel that way ten years from now looking at my plans from this year. :o)

Proud of myself, but really proud of R

A while ago I decided to start working out again. This in itself is nothing out of the ordinary, because I've decided that many times before, and rarely followed through. This time, I did it. I've been riding the bike consistently for a few months, usually followed by 4 sets of 25 crunches and (occassionally) 10 push-ups.

Shortly after I started, R got started too. He even started eating right. Since then he has lost 16 pounds! He is very motivating to me, cause I'm a bit competitive. :o) But really I'm just proud of him for sticking with it.

Yeah us! :o)

My Girls are Growing Up

I think my heart is breaking just a little bit. I was in the basement sorting through the girls' baby clothes. I am planning to sell two bins of them at Kid to Kid tomorrow morning. I ended up sorting a bin of 3-6 months girl clothes. I'm sure you can picture them - mostly pink, and all adorable. I could picture the way the girls looked in many of them. I think I was in a bit of denial that they won't be wearing them again.

Growing up has been hitting me hard in general the past couple of weeks. B switched to a "big girl bed" last night. (Long overdue I know, probably more denial. :o) She's starting preschool in September. I generally consider myself a fairly calm mother, but I'm starting to panic. The rational part of myself knows that she's going to be fine, the emotional part of me is mostly a wreck.

She's been starting to be more aware of others and what they think. Recent quotes (that have been breaking my heart) have been:

"I'm nervous about the other kids..."
"I'm feeling shy..."
"I'm not an artist Mommy. I don't know how to draw any of those things. I only know how to draw tangles..."

I don't know where she's coming up with these feelings. She's only 3 1/2!

On the other hand, I know she's going to work through these feelings at some point. I know she will work through them. I know she will meet kids at preschool and make lots of friends. I know she'll be fine.

I'm not sure I will, but I'll keep working on that... :o)

One more

Apparently I post in clumps...

BTW, H has apparently stopped screaming. (Hopefully I haven't jinxed myself.:o)

B has come up with a nick name for herself. She has a nickname that R calls her (Peanut). But he's been calling H Peanut too. We talked about B being Peanut 3 and Haley being Peanut 2, but apparently that wasn't good enough for B.

The other day when I came home Ronnie said, "B, tell Mommy what your new nick name is."

She looked at me very proudly, huge smile on her face, "Phone Ring."

"What?"

"Phone Ring."

Don't ask me where she came up with it. She hasn't explained, although we've asked her several times. Who can figure out the mind of a three year old? :o)

Good stuff

We've been having a fantastic summer! In general I've been very relaxed. We've hit the beach, sprinkler parks, backyards, ice cream stores, all several times over. :o)It's definitely our best summer yet. The girls are at great ages. That much more independent so I can bring them to the sprinkler park, get them ready, then wave as they run around, and I sit and relax. :o) They come over to say hi on occassion, I give hugs or high fives, and off they go! What could be better?

Amazingly enough this vacation has seemed quite long. I didn't officially start until two weeks after school ended (curriculum work and a class I took), but the hard work and stress of the school year seems very far away.Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... :o)

Sorry!

Thanks so much for being interested in my crazy thoughts... I haven't written because the only time I've felt motivated to is when something's bothering me. I write and talk to process (as I know others do). But I feel negative when that's the only thing I end up posting, so I avoid it.

Tonight I'm in a funk. H won't stop crying. (Although it's silent this moment:o). My godson who's 12 is very sick. I just found out he will be fine, but I can't let go of the anxious feeling. (Tears welling as I write...) I will relax more when I'm able to see him. (Part of what he has is contagious, and I can't risk bringing it home to the girls.)

I'm going to stop this post now, and start a new positive post. Thanks for reading! :o)