Taking Responsibility

I have struggled for years over taking personal responsibility. If you don't know me well, you may think that I don't take responsibility for things. I know many people that struggle with this issue. However, I am not one of them. Not only do I take responsibility for what I am actually responsible for, I also take responsibility for everything else.

Did you run out of gas on your way to work yesterday? I'm sure I did something to cause it. Not been able to stick to your diet? I really should have reminded you, talked to you, not eaten in front of you, or somehow supported you more. Hair didn't come out quite the way you wanted it to? I'm not sure what I could do to cause this, but I would feel the need to apologize and somehow take it on as mine.

Sound insane? Absolutely.

Rest assured, I am in therapy, and plan to stay there for as long as possible. (Don't know what I'd do without Lisa. :o) The good news is I am making progress. I'm starting to recognize when I do this to myself. I still have to talk myself out of feeling guilty, but now, at least, it's possible. When I think of all the things I've taken responsibility for over the years, I wonder how I'm still standing. It's been a heavy load on my shoulders. For a good deal of my life, I didn't know it wasn't mine to carry.

My biggest problem is that I care too darn much. So when someone's hurting, or upset, or angry I don't want them to be. I want to fix it. Struggling to let go of this sense of responsibility, I feel like I'm being selfish when I don't take it on. I know there's a middle ground toward being a kind, caring friend, family member and colleague. I'm definitely closer to finding it. If only things were simple...