Why procrastinate?

Do you struggle with this too? I have a four page reflection due on Tuesday to my principal. I have done everything but work on it for a week. I thought it was going to be challenging to write (things didn't go as well as I planned), so I kept avoiding it. So tonight (finally) I force myself to sit down and get started. I promised myself that after I wrote a page I could get up and do something else for a short while. (Thanks Flylady!) Well, you guessed it. I already wrote one page and it took me all of ten minutes.

Now I'm going to ride the bike. Will return to write the second page in half hour. I will NOT procrastinate again. :o)

I'm It

I was tagged by B. Here goes.

I am... exhausted. Four hours of sleep just doesn't cut it.

I want... to lay in bed all day with a good book.

I wish... that our week at the vacation house were here.

I hate... to wait. I have absolutely no patience. (Except for with kids. :o)

I miss... freedom. Don't get me wrong. I adore my children. They bring me such joy every day. But I would love to just get up and go when I want to go once in a while. I also have this vague memory of R and I just hanging out.

I fear... small spaces. I am very claustrophobic. Leaving a concert is torture for me because it's wall to wall people. I have to stop every five seconds or so and take deep breaths.

I hear... music. I hear lyrics to songs in what people say all the time. They'll say a phrase that reminds me of a song, and suddenly I'm singing it.

I wonder... how I'll ever handle our girls growing up. I just picture them older and I start to cry. I think I'll be a mess.

I regret... my inability to handle finances. I'm not sure we'll ever own a house.

I am not... good at relaxing. I'm trying to get better. But I have to work very hard at it. (How ironic. :o)

I dance... as often as possible. I LOVE to dance (but am awful at it). I don't like to leave the dance floor at weddings and parties. I even dance to Barney and Dora music with the girls while I'm doing dishes. :o)

I sing... more often than I dance. Music is energizing, stimulating, soothing and comforting to me - all at the same time. I know lyrics to many, many songs. Half the time I'm not even aware that I'm singing them.

I cry... constantly. Sappy movies, television shows, commercials, at weddings, looking at my girls, when I see someone else crying... It doesn't take anything to get me started.

I am not always... organized. But I would like to be. I'm good at organizing things, but I struggle to make the time to keep it that way.

I make with my hands... nothing. I'm terrible with my hands. I can't create or even cook. (Although I'm trying.)

I write... hesitantly. I like when I'm done, but I find the process somewhat painful.

I confuse... recipes. I'm a terrible cook, but I keep trying out new recipes. I inevitably mess them up somehow. B is very accustomed to getting phone calls - How do you... What does it mean when... Ask her to tell you about the garlic...

I need... to learn to relax.

I should... I'm trying to take this word out of my vocabulary, so I refuse to respond to this one.

I start... watching movies and tend to fall asleep. I usually have to ask R. if I've even seen most movies.

I finish... boxes of cereal without realizing it. Cap'n Crunch, Cocoa Krispies, Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, most anything sweet. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Kind of disgusting I know, but I'm addicted.

Driving Me Crazy

Okay. Hopefully writing this down will make this better. I considered e-mailing my therapist. Thought that might be too much like that Bill Murray movie. I suppose you'll all have to hear it instead.

At last week's therapy session I was so excited because I felt like I had made such progress - I have been less deferential, beating myself up less, being neurotic less, and generally not letting myself get stressed out as much. I definitely have made tremendous progress in this area. But I'm annoyed at myself tonight.

I just came back from a "party". (The new business that B and I started recently.) The party was hugely successful - my highest sales yet. Two people booked parties and one person interested in becoming a consultant. Woo hoo! I'm definitely pleased with that. Yet I keep going back to negative things. Yuck! I definitely talked too fast. Not sure why. I haven't done so bad at past parties, but I was nervous at this one. I also made a careless comment in front of a dear friend. It wasn't meant in a hurtful way, and I would never intentionally hurt her feelings. But I'm almost positive she heard me, and even more positive it bothered her. Finally, my brother was kind enough to babysit tonight (R had a hockey game) and I was an hour later than I said I'd be. He didn't seem upset at all - I think he was asleep on the couch. But I keep having a "yuck" feeling. Can't let it go.

The good news is, I'm certain I've made progress. I'm definitely getting better. Everybody has setbacks.

Hope this one goes away soon. :o)

Have you seen Movin' Out?

I'm not sure I can put this into words, but I'll try. B and I went to see Movin' Out tonight at the Opera House. The only thing I can really say is - brilliant. I certainly knew "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" tells a story, but to integrate all of Billy Joel's other songs? Brilliant.

If you can't tell how much I liked it yet, I'll add this. I never sat back in my seat. I couldn't take my eyes off the stage and I wish I could see it again tomorrow. The dancing was so powerful and emotional. I wish I could move my body like that. Better yet, I wish I could communicate with my body like that.

To top it off, the music was Billy Joel's - my all time favorite. There's something that happens to me when I listen to his music. It's comforting and invigorating at the same time.

If you haven't seen Movin' Out - go see it. It's here until May 28.

Two Things I Hate

1. Waking up from a nap feeling groggy and immobile. That happened to me today. Just couldn't get moving. What's the point of a nap if you don't feel better when you wake up?

2. The ending of West Wing. I love that show. I've been watching it faithfully for a few years. R made fun of me cause I cried during the finale. What can I say? I'm a sap.

Second Acts

Another trip to a book store tonight. This time with a gift card in hand. :o) I've been excited to purchase "Teacher Man" by Frank McCourt. I'm on page 2 of the Prologue and I already love it. So far, this is my favorite part:

"F. Scott Fitzgerald said that in American lives there are no second acts. He simply did not live long enough. In my case he was wrong.

When I taught in New York City high schools for thirty years no one but my students paid me a scrap of attention. In the world outside the school I was invisible. Then I wrote a book about my childhood and became mick of the moment. I hoped the book would explain family history to McCourt children and grandchildren. I hoped it might sell a few hundred copies and I might be invited to have discussions with book clubs. Instead it jummped onto the best-seller list and was translated into thirty languages and I was dazzled. The book was my second act."

Bookstores

Had an adult evening out tonight. B, C and I went out to dinner (without kids :o). There's a bookstore down the street from the restaurant and I suggested checking it out after we ate. (The store has been there a year, and I've been meaning to go there since it opened...) I LOVE bookstores. When I walk into one I get such a feeling of peace - like I'm in a place that I'm supposed to be. I could just be there, all night, surrounded by books.

Duck, Duck, Goose

B got creative today as we hung out with the kids in her backyard. The boys wanted to go inside and she wasn't ready to go in yet. (It was soooooooo beautiful out.)Somehow, "Duck, Duck, Goose" popped into her head. She decided to teach five children 3 years old and under how to play.

First, she gathered them together and asked them to sit in a circle. This was a challenge in itself. They ended up in a deranged looking oval. :o) Good enough. Betsy started teaching them how to play. They all listened very intently to the directions. But they didn't quite get it. When the goose called "Goose!" instead of duck, nobody got up and ran. When we encouraged them to run, all the kids got up and ran. So that's what the game turned into. One of the kids would say, "duck, duck, duck, goose..." and all the kids would get up, run around the tree and run back to the circle. Hysterical! It was such fun to watch!

B got even more creative. Maybe she was afraid the kids would get bored, because she decided to change the game. Now instead of playing "Duck, Duck, Goose", they played "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Meatball". Have you heard of it? :o)