Okay. Hopefully writing this down will make this better. I considered e-mailing my therapist. Thought that might be too much like that Bill Murray movie. I suppose you'll all have to hear it instead.
At last week's therapy session I was so excited because I felt like I had made such progress - I have been less deferential, beating myself up less, being neurotic less, and generally not letting myself get stressed out as much. I definitely have made tremendous progress in this area. But I'm annoyed at myself tonight.
I just came back from a "party". (The new business that B and I started recently.) The party was hugely successful - my highest sales yet. Two people booked parties and one person interested in becoming a consultant. Woo hoo! I'm definitely pleased with that. Yet I keep going back to negative things. Yuck! I definitely talked too fast. Not sure why. I haven't done so bad at past parties, but I was nervous at this one. I also made a careless comment in front of a dear friend. It wasn't meant in a hurtful way, and I would never intentionally hurt her feelings. But I'm almost positive she heard me, and even more positive it bothered her. Finally, my brother was kind enough to babysit tonight (R had a hockey game) and I was an hour later than I said I'd be. He didn't seem upset at all - I think he was asleep on the couch. But I keep having a "yuck" feeling. Can't let it go.
The good news is, I'm certain I've made progress. I'm definitely getting better. Everybody has setbacks.
Hope this one goes away soon. :o)
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4 comments:
*sigh*
Why are we all so hard on ourselves?
I bet no one really noticed you were talking "fast", and if it didn't bother your brother, why should it bother you? You were working after all. And, I am sure you apologized for being late.
As far as the friend, apologize? Next time you see her?
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but, ((HUGS)) and good luck. :)
I agree with SM. You did an amazing job last night. Just be proud. I'm not sure what you said that your friend heard, but if it's the friend I'm thinking of, I know she is overly sensitive to things. So apologize, then let it go.
And why not email your therapist? That's why you have her.
It sounds like you were just having an 'off' day.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Tomorrow will be better.
-RM
Wow I see my self in you. I am so hard on myself and sometimes just shut down. What do you sell? Oh by the way are you ADD. I am and I can talk too fast.
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